In an old warehouse on the outskirts of Cologne, Germany, Shia LeBeouf is jerking at his medium-sized, flaccid penis, trying to give it some girth and heft for his upcoming close-up. Everything depends on this moment but clearly his penis didn’t get the memo. Penises don’t understand the highly oppressive political hierarchies of the film industry, penises don’t realise how hard it is for an actor to be taken seriously after making a name for himself on a TV show that rhymes and a movie about giant toys. Penises don’t give a toss about anything but a toss and a warm moist hole.
— from Briohny Doyle, “Pony Cunt Nightmare”, a story from The Lifted Brow #21: The Sex Issue. Buy your copy now!