‘Lists’, by Christopher Currie

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BEATBOXING GLOSSARY
Pitsh - Mouthsound
Fzidip - Tooth breakdown
Atisss - Coda
Burrrruuup - Glissando, with mouth
Drmbt - Drumbeat
Kizzaj - Small metronome, or child’s xylophone
Wshtka - “Keep it fresh”
By Grg - Boy George
Hry Hggnz - Henry Higgins, or “Ralph Mouth”
Yrdsef - Salty, Salt-Lip or Seaworthy (contextual)
Spittle - Spittle

LEAST KNOWN GOLDEN GIRLS
Cranche LaPlante
Coochie McGooley
Surfia Credenzo

DRIEST CHILDHOOD BISCUITS
Scruffins
Fuskits
Lil’ Scratchers
Chodez
Bran Hectares
Bisk-esques
Hurties
Wheat Frets
Adam Ant’s Arid Trapezoids
Raspers

WHY A RAVEN IS LIKE A WRITING DESK
Both can conceal a handgun
No iPhone connectivity

CRAFT BEERS
Mouldy Dog IPA
Scuzzy Duck Stout
Barely-Conscious Hog Special Edition Mid
Water Buffalo with Undiagnosed Type 2 Diabetes Porter
A Constant Danger to Himself Antelope Blonde Ale
Opossum with a Pretty Bad Cough Bitter
Cockroach in a Medically Induced Coma Brown Ale
A Taipan Who’s Basically Only Alive Because His Family Cares Too Much Even Though He’s Been Pretty Shitty To Them His Whole Life Draught

MOST COMMON WIKIPEDIA EDITS
Global Warming
global warming
it’s

GREAT GUESSES
A whale speculum?
A tiny wig, like really tiny
Van Grok
Four: three to turn up and one to eat an enchilada
Passw0rd
I want to say, mid-forties?
Bill Paxton
Embaressment
3.143

POPULAR MUSIC GENRES
Skunkwave
New Friesian
Slimer
Crowpoke
Flopera
Stormcore
Fumblestep
Steamboatcaptain
Wesley

DOG BREED/NOTED SERIAL KILLER
Jolly Black Widow
Florida Sex Beast
Bedburg Werewolf
Boston Strangler
Stockyard Bluebeard
Daschund

THIS YEAR’S TOP AILMENT
Colonic Fatigue Syndrome


Christopher Currie is a writer from Brisbane whose next book Clancy of the Undertow will be released by Text Publishing in early 2016.’

‘Lists’ was first published in
The Lifted Brow Digital, Volume 10, Issue 2.